Goodbyes
by feathersxblood
Summary: Sirius' died, REmus feels alone and recalls what has happened.


**bLove.. **_**Loved**_**.. Loving...**

**Loveless...**

**Remus Lupin sighed deeply, his hood lowered as his eyes scanned over the chizzled writing in the stone, buried in the thick layer of moss and snow, making it near impossible to read.**

**It didn't matter though, Remus knew exactly what was written there.**

**He had memorised it after the numerous amount of visits here. **

**Swallowing, he knelt, brushing away the debris and snow from the stone to pick out the details he knew were there.**

**"Sirius Black-..." He murmered, automatically feeling his throat well up on the name. Biting his knuckle to stiffle the sob that would fall from his lips if he didn't. Screwing shut his eyes and feeling the moisture fall through traitorously, his body wracked with sobs as his knee's gave well, making the floor come rushing upwards as he landed softly next to the grave.**

**Curling up slightly, Remus resisted the urge to yell out about how cruel the world was. To yell out how much of a shit hole this place was turnng out to be without the one person to accept him for who he was in it.../b**

- x -

"Remus...? Remus- What is it? Remus come on- You can tell us-"

The boyish grin was gone from Sirius' face. Replaced now with anguish and pain for the concern of his friend.

"You're always bloody sneaking off, and you never let us know.. You come back and you're beaten and bruised, and for merlin's sake, I for one am not going to let this continue-"

Sirius had begun his rant, only to be shocked into silence, not having expected Remus to even confess what was wrong.

"I- I'm a lycanthrope.." He had murmered, the fear of what would come next clear on his face.

Sirius was silent, but after a minute of composing himself and snapping his mouth shut again, he smiled, pulling the other boy close and embracing him in something he would like to call a brotherly hug, but the warmth it left him with, he knew that it was more than that, and that this was just the begining.

"Remus.. You muppet-" Sirius had laughed the words. "You should have told us.. You know, you don't have to do this alone-"

- x -

**b"Remus...?"**

**Remus looked up slowly, hearing the voice and seeing the face he recognised. Harry.. Good old Harry..**

**In the past few weeks, Remus didn't know if they'd both have lasted much longer without the other's consolations. The boy was unstable from loosing his Godfather, loosing the last part of "family" he had.**

**And Remus.. He had lost his long-time lover. He had lost everything all over again. First it had been Lily and James, and that had brought the world crashing down. Yet, after he had found out Sirius was innocent two years ago, he had been there. Sirius had been there to hold him, to comfort him and to chase away every problem he had ever had.**

**Now Sirius.. Now Sirius had gone, Remus had nobody... He was.. Alone. And that scared him more than anything./b**

- x -

"Sirius?" The voice cracked softly as he spoke, "Sirius-?" He shook the other lightly, eyes red from crying, the nightmare he'd had all too real.

"Mm.. Five more minuntes- Mm. No.. G'way..."

"Sirius, please.." He held back a strangled sob in his plea to wake the other, and something in that woke Sirius enough to let him know just how worked up the other was.

"Remmy?" Sirius sat up, rubbing his eyes slowly and yawning, automatically pulling back the covers, not offering the chance for Remus to get in, more like ordering him silently to do so.

"Remmy what is it?" He asked, looking to the other and sighing softly as he watched the other break down into tears there before his eyes. He had known the other to be sensitive, but this.. He couldn't just sit and watch.

Pulling the other back into that familiar hug, Sirius sighed, arms encircling the boys as he felt Remus lay his head against his shoulder and give slight wracks of sobs.

"Remus please.. What is it..?"

Remus had shook his head, burying it in the comfort of Sirius' body.

"I don't want to be alone.. Sirius.. I'm going to be alone forever..." He murmered.

Sirius' eyes had widened as he felt the hurt of the other boy, listened to the words and held him close.

"No, Remus.. No you're not.." Sirius sighed softly, lifting the other's face softly so they looked eye to eye. "You listen to me-"

Well now. Remus may have listened if his next movement hadn't shut Sirius up completely. He may have listened if his lips hadn't crashed to Sirius', moulding their bodies together in the warmth and feeling of the whole thing... Holding the front of Sirius' night shirt so not to be lost, so not to wake up and find it all to be a dream.

"Mm-" Sirius pulled back, coming to meet the watering eyes. "Remus.." His lips had tingled from being touched, from the feeling of Remus' against his own.

"You won't be alone Remus.." He murmered, coming to link their fingers together and smiling weakly, not caring what anyone thought about this, just knowing that to him that had felt damn good, and right.

He leant in and kissed him back softly, only a chaste kiss, breaking for a second to speak the next few words, knowing that now this was out, that he wouldn't be able to let Remus alone.

"-You'll have me.. And I'll inever/i leave you-"

**- x - **

**bThat was all well. **

**But, Sirius had left him. Sirius had gone. And he was never coming back, Sirius was dead and Remus was alone. He was what he feared. And that, no. That was not something he could cope being right now.**

**That was something that terrified him.**

**Feeling the arm on his shoulder, Remus also felt the sobs raise back up in his throat.**

**"Remus.. We should go, come on.."**

**He didn't know how it happened, but Harry had picked him up. He had brought him to an embrace that felt so disturbingly like what Sirius used to give him, that he had held it back, sobbing on the younger boys shoulder.**

**"Harry.. I can't go on without him.. I just.. I can't..."**

**Harry swallowed harshly, this already hurting too much.**

**"Remus.. I'm not letting you go, not after everyone else is dead.. Not after I've lost everyone else. I am not letting you go to.. Please.." He begged Remus slightly.**

**Remus swallowed as he pulled back, seeing the need shining in Harry's eyes. He was still a child. He didn't have time to put up with this, he shouldn't have to. And if it was the last thing that Remus would do, it would be to take care of Harry.**

**It would be to look after him until he was safe, and happy in life.**

**"Come on.." His voice was hoarse, "Let's.. Let's go.." He nodded, wiping back tears from both of their faces, knowing that Sirius would look down on them and want to throw something at them if he saw them in tears over him, having specified for that to never happen.**

**Sirius had been there for the both of them, and now. They had to live on for him.**

**For his memory..**

**For..**

**For Sirius. /b**


End file.
